just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
