I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
