ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
