So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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