I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
