Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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