Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
why do cheetos always look like penises
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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