it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Please don't give away my fajitas
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
