She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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