I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
