I think im going to throw up on grandma
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
