I want to walk on stilts...naked
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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