Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
