last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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