When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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