walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
