As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
