Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
