Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
