Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
even my farts smell like vagina
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Found your dick twin last night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
