Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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