I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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