And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
