I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
