So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
