Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the day after is always just damage control
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
