Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
