somebody snuck up and got me drunk
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
