it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
