Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Randomize
