No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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