she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
