like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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