I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Only a mothe r could love this liver
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
