so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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