I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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