I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
