You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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