You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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