what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I cockslap morals
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
