My room smells like vodka and shame
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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