He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
my liver is dry heaving
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
