She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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