I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
