Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
