Will you blow on my dice?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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