I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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