the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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