So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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