I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
