First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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