I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
