You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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