If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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