I wish my penis had an off switch
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
